I used to be able to talk my way down
I don’t want to start down this path again. NO no NO NO. I haven’t looked at my blades in over 5 months. don’t start cutting again. I can’t help it. dammmmit. someone help me please. I can’t start again, I was doing so well. fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK
I thought things were getting better.
So, I let my guard down. Never again will I confuse happiness with desperate hope. Letting my guard down, the walls I built around myself to protect was a mistake. What have I done. Dammit.
I have been trying to avoid this blog. Trying to let myself believe that I didn’t need it anymore. I was getting “better”. I hate myself for letting it slip this far. No job, no real sense of home, destructive life.
I’m done with this SHIT.
Just a little update that no one will read.
I finally graduated college last month. I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I got a job pretty quickly. Today was my first day. The pay isn’t fantastic, but it is a great stepping point towards other jobs out there. For the first time in forever, I can honestly say that I like where I am in my life now. Of course there are still “those days”. But I have learned to try and deal with them. Now if only I can find a nice girl and settle down.